I was provoked into writing this blog by someone that sits next to me in two consecutive classes, with bad breath and the mustache to go along with it. He breathes when turned towards me, sending a tumult of nasty my way. It’s insanely hard to casually cover your nose and mouth before you’re hit with a meat-charged exhalation without being rude.

I have tried giving him a mint (casually, of course), but he wouldn’t take it, claiming that “he wasn’t in the mood.” More recently, I have tried to move down to the empty desk beside me, which is farther away from the fumes. But this didn’t work, because my teacher disapproves of leaving gaps between the students.

What I could really use right now is a way to rid myself of him, or more importantly, bad breath in general. I can’t concentrate on my work when the threat of being hit with the smell is always at large.

Tips, anyone?

1. Gather all the Twilight books you can, and read them over and over. Becoming a professional at the series is mandatory for a vampire’s success in life. It doesn’t matter if you want to be vegetarian or not, because this helps you out with both.

2. Start working out in the gym, so that you can build up the muscle needed to become a vampire. When you can lift cars, you know you’re doing it right. Remember, Twinkies are NOT a good idea to get yourself in the vampire area of life, so I suggest you avoid these whenever possible. Stick with meat.

3. Pour glitter all over yourself. You have to sparkle just like a vampire, otherwise you aren’t a true one. Glitter will help you sparkle in the sunlight. Remember, shimmer powder or cream is no alternative to a nice pack of silver body glitter!

4. Try to stay indoors as much as possible, for you must remain pale in order to pass off as a true vampire. Tan vampires are nonexistent, and staying away from the sun is an easy solution to get that haunted appearance.

5. Get colored contacts—whether they’re red or gold, you decide. It depends on what kind of vampire you wish to become, so choose accordingly. Don’t have vision bad enough for contacts? Stare at the computer screen for hours on end, and you’ll be fine.

6. Buy some really nice breath mints, because as you know, vampires’ breath smells heavenly. There is no such thing as “morning breath”, and you can’t forget to brush your teeth. If your breath smells horrible, who’s going to take you as a serious vampire?

7. Get some major plastic surgery, because vampires are unbelievably beautiful. Normal humans are not as attractive, and a surgery will definitely be in order to achieve vampire-status. Don’t worry, it’ll pay off in the end.

I hope I helped you, and you are now on your way to becoming a full-fledged vampire. Whether you’re vegetarian or a human blood-sucker, this list is essential to your success in the vampire world.

1. Open-water scares all the daylights out of me—no joke. Just thinking about how deep and dark and dangerous water can be makes me shiver, which is why I’ll probably never get a job as a marine biologist. This is also why I can never bring myself to watch movies about ships, such as Titanic and Poseidon, as well as Jaws.

2. Space is near the same as open-water. Just thinking about something so big and dangerous make me feel very shaky. I do, however, enjoy books and stories about space. I do not fancy going in the big black puddle myself, though. Living on the moon? I’ll pass, thanks.

3. Ms. Metcalf, my reading teacher, scares me the most of all things. Probably because getting on her bad side is something that could very easily happen, whereas going into space is not. Ms. Metcalf scares me because she has a very dark side, and can be very unfair when it comes to things like presentations and projects. She also chooses favorites, and makes it very obvious. You can pick and tell who she doesn’t like and also who she absolutely adores. There is no “middle-ground” with her.

Those are just some of the things that scare me. There are plenty more, I assure you. What are you scared of? I want to know (:

You don’t ever really know when you fall asleep. When you’re trying to sleep, you may not consciously be in the mood for sleeping, I guess is how I’m gonna put it. When you’re sleepy, you tend to think about sleeping. And then, sleep doesn’t come! Sleep just creeps up on you. You don’t know when your thinking begins, when your thoughts complete. Or if they complete.

Tonight, try consciously thinking about falling asleep. Maybe you’ll start yawning, or your eyes will stay closed for a while. But after a few minutes, you realize it’s hopeless to be thinking about sleep, because it will not come unless you empty your mind. I think this is why exercising before bed isn’t such an intelligent thing to do.

I find myself thinking about very random things when I’m in bed, but my thoughts usually drift back to thinking of sleep, and how I’m not getting any of it. Of course, this isn’t helpful at all, since thinking about it gets me nowhere.

Whenever I think about falling asleep, I start to feel really lonely as well as empty. I’m not sure why, but it seems like I’ll stay awake forever if I keep on thinking. This is why I t ry my best to block out all noises whenever I can.

Does this same thing happen to you?

In my school, popping a chip bag is punishable—whether or not it was an accident. Today, the latter of the examples above happened to me. In my school, popping a chip bag is a big deal. First, everyone that happened to hear the pop simultaneously start saying, “Ooooooooohh….” in an accusing sort of way. Then they look around, trying to find the culprit.

In this case, the culprit was me. Unfortunately, we were having a very interesting talk about why people should not eat pork and marshmallows. I, of course, overreacted and banged my fist onto the table, right on top of the Frito’s chip bag.

After the Ooohs, my friends and I obviously started cracking up, because the teachers were walking around trying their best to make all the kids shut up. This, I believe, is the main reason why they punish you for popping the bag. It disrupts the “learning process” of the lunch time.

Well, you know what? I did not see anything about “Chip bag popping” anywhere in the fine print of our big blue legal book. And so making the chip bag punishment questionable.

What was my punishment? It was something I was completely surprised about—I didn’t get punished. I just got a, “I hope you’re satisfied now with your chip bag,” an evil glare, and a few giggles. You know what?

Being a teacher’s favorite isn’t always a bad thing.

Him: Go away.
You: Why? What did I do?!
Him: You’re too fat to be near me.
You:
Him: Well, don’t just stand there! Go!
You: It’s a free country, Bob!

Owch, that was a horrible conversation. No no, that will not do. In an argument like this, the use of the word “Your,” is a necessity:

Him: Go away.
You: Your mom.
Him: D: FAT MEANIE!
You: Your face.
Him: Is beautiful.
You: Your butt.
Him: Even better.
You: Of course you’d know.
Him: Um… -walks away-

Yes, the word “your” is highly effective, and must be used wisely and sporadically.

1. Falling off the top floor of the Sears Tower. That would be so epic! I’d be like wearing a cape and a mask and all that jazz, and some loser would push me out the window, and people would think I was some super hero or a pyromaniac. Whichever one, I’ll be sure to get noticed.

2. Drowning in a vat of glue. I know this isn’t the conventional way to die, but wouldn’t it be awesome? Personally, I love glue. It’s like… my idol. It can do anything. And to die in some would be like… an honor.

3. Be attacked by a herd of Loch Ness babies. Obviously, the Loch Ness monster is real. Maybe it’s a guy, and it found a woman Loch Ness monster, and they had babies! And then I could like be on a trip to Scotland, and suddenly all the babies would just come and attack me for walking on their turf. That’d be just awesome. Sort of

4. One of my mutated-inventions turns on me and kills me. Like Frankenstein! I could be all lonely at some far off point in life, and I’d make a mutant, and after a little while, it gets mad at me and kills me! There will be stories about it for years

5. Being trapped alone on a hot air balloon that won’t come down, no matter what. Wouldn’t that be an adventure? Even if you do die in the end, it’ll be enough adventure to fill a lifetime and a half (:

Do you have any particular way you want to die? Let me know!

1. Start drawing while your teacher is talking. But don’t be drawing flowers—be drawing horrific cartoons of the teacher! It doesn’t even matter if you’re not an artist—it gets the message straight across.

2. If you don’t have free seating at lunch, like me, make a show of moving from one table to the next to talk to people you do or don’t know when the teacher is around. To make this better, carry your lunch with you.

3. Get out headphones while your teacher is talking. They don’t need to be connected to anything though, but if you want, go ahead and connect them to something. And when you do, turn it up at full volume.

4. Get out a mirror as your teacher is going over the rules of something, and look at your reflection. After looking for a minute, say, “Who’s the most gorgeous of them all? Me baby!”

5. When the teacher’s back is turned, get out some sort of loud snack, like chips or crackers. Chew them noisily with your mouth open. When your teacher turns around to see who’s eating, stop chewing and pretend like you don’t have anything in your mouth. Then when she turns away again, repeat.

I broke my keyboard yesterday. You know the end of the wire? Where the pluggy-gear thing is? Well, it basically disconnected from the wire, leaving just the end sticking in my server, with the rest of the wire just hanging there.

I went into our computer room (more like a high-maintenance area), where I found a keyboard. So I plugged that in, and had to restart my computer. It’s one of those Gateway keyboards, from like, 1999. That’s why I had to restart my computer. If it was one from the 2000’s, I wouldn’t have had to.

It also makes these really loud noises when I type. You can hear the click-click of the keyboard, which is very annoying. Click, click, bang. Click, click, bang. It’s so frustrating. I’m afraid to ask my dad to buy me a new one, too. Well, I’m afraid to ask my mom, too. Because, well, she just had to pay $13 on a Demi Lovato album I didn’t want, and I got her to let me pre-order the deluxe version of Paramore’s Brand New Eyes album for $15, and then there’s the Paramore concert. I’m an expensive person

Apparently, there are many other ways that that’s sung, and you can read them all here.

This nursery rhyme, despite the happiness it brings to children, is a very grave nursery. I was shocked when I found this out—I loved playing this game as a kid! I quote:

Peter and Iona Opie remark: “The invariable sneezing and falling down in modern English versions have given would-be origin finders the opportunity to say that the rhyme dates back to the Great Plague. A rosy rash, they allege, was a symptom of the plague, posies of herbs were carried as protection, sneezing was a final fatal symptom , and ‘all fall down’ was exactly what happened.”

That is a major shock, isn’t it?

I don’t mind having it changed into a happy tune. It is a pretty great rhyme, isn’t it? But what a dramatic beginning! Gosh, what a bullet.

I think the people that think it’s boring are only looking at the outer shell. They probably think there won’t be anything bad happening, which would be boring. People wouldn’t get hurt, either. Because it’s perfect.

But then when I thought about it, that wouldn’t be a perfect world. A world can’t be perfect if people are getting bored in it, right? So I thought that maybe, in a perfect world, there would, in fact, be war. There would be wounds, killing, but no overkill or wars that couldn’t be ended. There’d be enough violence to take up your time, but not like what the world is now.

I mean that there wouldn’t be too much violence. There’d be enough to occupy your time, through news, and hospitals would still be around.

I think there’d still be sickness without cures, but a cure would probably be found before anyone died of the sickness.

Do you get what I mean?

Really, Humpty? Are you really that important? Are you really that dumb? Are you really that breakable?

You see, when we did the nursery rhymes, Humpty was an egg, so he’s going to remain an egg in my mind. And apparently, a very important egg.

Humpty is probably important because the king’s own horses and men tried to fix him up after his fall! Or, maybe the Humpty was an escaped prisoner, and the king wanted to kill him himself. I think the second one would be a lot cooler. Or, maybe Humpty was sitting on the wall so that he could grab his shoe, that he accidentally threw onto the top of the wall. That’s something more likely for these modern times ;)

Humpty is a very dumb egg, of course. I mean, who would climb up a wall just to sit? No, I think he was dared by Jack to climb up that wall and to sit on it, and he probably ran from the scene before anyone could catch him. If this is the case, Humpty is definitely a dumb egg.

Yesterday, at school, we did a little “egg demo” in science class, to show us how strong eggs really are. Our teacher stacked all seven of the Harry Potter books and some other books, and the eggs didn’t break a sweat! Then how come you broke? Was the wall four-hundred feet high or something? Did you not use a ladder? What a fool.

So this morning, I wake up, and I smell something that kind of, but not really, reminded me of popcorn. So of course I head out of bed, open the door, and see… my sister eating my bag of Salt and Vinegar chips. Yes, my bag of chips. The chips I begged my mom to buy me at the grocery store, only a day ago. Now what was it doing in my sister’s hole?

So of course, I do the obvious thing and snatch it out of my sister’s hand, and greedily start munching on what’s left of the chips (which wasn’t much). Then, I guess it took my sister a second to fully register exactly what had just happened, my sister started chasing me. Down the stairs, into the kitchen, around this and that. Then of course, I run down into the basement, where my room is.

When I reached the bottom of the steps, my sister had only just begun coming down the stairs. So I ran into my room, and locked it. When I got in, I saw something that shocked me.

A brand new bag of salt and vinegar chips, unopened, an exact replica of the bag I’d gotten yesterday.

It was then I realized that my sister had gotten her own bag of chips, and I had just burned about 100 calories for nothing. So I quickly opened the door, threw my sister’s bag out, and quickly closed it again, and happily ate my salt and vinegar chips.

The moral? Don’t waste your breath.

My iPod, Jimmy, has been a great friend to me for the last 6 months. To celebrate his half birthday (instead of Oort’s), I’m going to list 10 Things I Love About Him.

1. He has a white complexion that’s soft to the touch.
2. His scars and scratches look so manly *swoon*.
3. His tilted features make it easy for me to rotate him.
4. His eyes are crystal clear, making it easy for me to read his mind.
5. He has an amazing voice.
6. He has a game for everything!
7. His thin, athletic frame makes it easy for me to bring him around.
8. If I get bored, he always has something for me to do.
9. If I confide in him, he always listens to me without interrupting. Or moving.
10. He makes me wanna jump to the rhythm and dance to the music!

Jimmy, my friend, I love you. Yes, I truly do.

Recently, I’ve been more acquainted with fire than I’ve ever been. I’ve burnt a lot of things within the span of three days, and I was very recently exiled from the kitchen. Fire, child, is not something to be played with.

So of course, I had to be in the kitchen. Where else would I find anything flammable near a flame? So my mom (it’s all mother’s fault!) made me stir some of the food she was making. So I held the handle with an oven cloth, because the handle was hot, ya know? So I’m stirring, stirring, then hey! My hand feels unusually warm. Thinking nothing of it, I keep stirring, and then I lifted my hand, and see a big freaking flame coming off the cloth! So I’m like, “MOM, it’s burning. Burn burn burn…,” and she’s like, “You burnt the food?! I know you don’t like it, but come on, did you have to burn it?” Then she turns around and her eyes become as big as saucers, and she quickly grabs the cloth and beats it on the granite counter.

Then she hands me an oven mitt, which gave my hand more freedom than a cloth, and was also less liable to burning, because you know, it’s stuck to my hand. So I continue stirring, stirring, then my mom starts talking to me, so I turn around to reply, and BAM! A huge flame coming off the oven mitt! Not five minutes after the last one. I beat my hand against the counter, and the flame went out. My mom shooed me out of the kitchen then.

So today I was making Ramen because I was starving. While I was making it, I realized something extremely fascinating—if you put the plastic of the Ramen wrapper near the flame, it melts! So I was playing with that for a bit. Then, the plastic caught on fire, so I was like, “OOPSIES.” and some of the burning plastic fell on the floor. So I quickly bent down and blew on it, and the flame went out. So I tried picking it up (imbecile, I know), and I burnt my finger. So I quickly ran to the sink and put my finger under cold water, and tried getting the plastic off because it had hardened onto my finger. When I finally got it off, I saw a white, saxophone-shaped burn mark on my finger. And then I stuck ice on it, and now it’s a big pain. But now I have a cool looking scar to show off, so really, who cares?

If you’d like to do this, go right on ahead (:

Rules: Go to the Urban Dictionary and type in your answer to each question in the search box, then write in one definition it gives you.

1. Your name.
Kinza Treasure/somthing of great beauty.
Haha I didn’t even expect my name to show up. I chose this one over “a gorgeous lady.”

2. Your age.
13 A number commonly known for superstitious beliefs about it being unlucky. Originally it was a holy number, but somewhere along the way it was hijacked and portrayed as unlucky. Fear of this number is called triskaidekaphobia.
I have to remember that phobia.

3. One of your friends.
Emily A code word for alcohol.

4. What should you be doing?
Cleaning The act of shoving everything in a closet and calling it decent.

5. Least favourite colour.
Fuschia A high intensity pigment pinkish/ purple in color.

6. Your favourite sport.
Volleyball A sport consisting of 6 players on each team. Someone from a team serves the ball, and the opponent bumps the ball to the setter, and the setter sets the ball for the hitter to spike the ball into someones face. After the ball is spiked, the other team tries to bump, set, spike (or block). That goes on until the ball hits the ground or goes out of bounds.
It was the only not perverted one I found.

7. Month of your birthday.
December The best month out of the entire year. That’s why they left it last.

8. Last person you talked to.
Katrina The swirling apocalyptic hellstorm that touched down on August 29, 2005 and screwed up Louisiana, Mississipi, Alabama, and the Florida Panhandle. Worse of all, it sunk New Orleans like the city of Atlantis. Our prayers are with the few survivors living there.

As you may guess, when we first got there, I mean like, as soon as we stepped out of the airport, we were ambushed by my cousins, aunts, uncles, and grands. They were all just so happy to see me… I mean us.

When we finally got to my grands house (dad’s side), we went to sleep. And then for the next few days… I don’t really know what we did. I think we looked at the clothes my grandma made us, and we ate stuff.

After three days there, we went to my grandma’s house (mom’s side). And what do you know, we were getting ready for a (Pakistani style) wedding! That’s four days of dancing, food, and being bored. I’ll give you the 411 on the whole wedding, all four days.

Day 1: Dolkey A Dolkey is what my mom calls a “Celebration of Happiness.” Yes, it was boring. What did we do? Bang a drum and sing. I clapped my hands to the beat. Then we went home (: We did not see the bride here.

Day 2: Mehndi Fun! We danced a lot, and drank soda! The bride was wearing a yellow and green clothing ensemble.

Day 3: Barat This is the actual wedding ceremony. The bride was wearing red and green clothes with GORGEOUS work on it. And she was wearing a lot of jewelry… and makeup. This was boring.

Day 4: Walima This is just a celebration after the wedding. Also very boring. I forgot what the bride was wearing.

Overall, the wedding was boring.

As you guys should know, I brought my iPod along with me. Now, if you have cousins all aged under 11, wouldn’t you put a password on your iPod? I did. And I paid for it. The kids kept on trying to put in the passcode, and it finally got to the point that said, “Disabled: Connect to iTunes”. I tried my uncle’s iTunes, but it didn’t work. It only worked on my OWN iTunes. In America. 2 and a half weeks before I left. A tragedy.

So I’ll add more to this post when I fell more up to it. I think I’ll start returning comments tomorrow. Or when we finish unpacking. I have a lot of work ahead of me.

1. Interesting Blogs Have you ever noticed that I don’t blog about my life in particular, but what’s going on in my head? I like blogs like that—ones that stay on one interesting and controversial topic. Unfortunately, there aren’t very many blogs like that which I’ve found.

2. Layouts that Show Personality This layout, although very professional, has a dose of personality to it. The swirls add a unique affect to it which always makes me happy.

3. Organized If I don’t think your site is organized, I most likely will notcome back. I like being able to find things with ease whenever I visit a site, and if I don’t, I probably won’t be a returning visitor.

That’s all I have right now due to the fact I’m on mother’s iPod. It’s a huge pain in the butt to have to write blogs on here.

On brighter news—I’ll be back in three days!

First of all, we would need something really really strong to replace steel and all those really hard stuff. Where are we supposed to find that? It’d be really hard to do so—maybe even impossible.

Because of that, there will probably be a lot more robberies because it’s so much easier to steal when you have super strenght.

But then, if everyone had super strenght, wouldn’t life just carry on as usual, despite the fact we can lift cars? I mean, wars would not stop, because everyone would have the same amount of brutal strenght, men and women alike.

I know this post is short, but that’s mainly because I’m on my iPod… Well, my mom’s iPod, actually.

Now to bring about my thoughts for this blog. I was curious—what would it be like if you could turn invisible by pressing your belly button? This idea popped into my head after reading “The BFG” by Roald Dahl, back in second grade. Those were the days…

If you could actually turn invisible, like Harry Potter, what would the world be like? You could go just about anywhere without too much trouble—virtually no trouble at all! You could do anything, anything at all, with the world at your fingertips.

You could scare someone really bad if you were invisible. You could hitch-hike onto a plane ride, or a car ride. Or even a cruise! You could probably also rob people’s houses without trouble, and you could go to bookstores and read all day without any trouble.

You wouldn’t have to dress up, there wouldn’t be much need to go to school. You could cheat on the tests anyway.

I’d love being invisible. How about you?