Bad Breath

Have you ever been at school, or simply sitting next to someone in a public area, that breathes through his mouth? And the breath that comes out isn’t exactly something you can turn away from without being rude. I’m sure this happens to just about everyone at some time or another.

I was provoked into writing this blog by someone that sits next to me in two consecutive classes, with bad breath and the mustache to go along with it. He breathes when turned towards me, sending a tumult of nasty my way. It’s insanely hard to casually cover your nose and mouth before you’re hit with a meat-charged exhalation without being rude.

I have tried giving him a mint (casually, of course), but he wouldn’t take it, claiming that “he wasn’t in the mood.” More recently, I have tried to move down to the empty desk beside me, which is farther away from the fumes. But this didn’t work, because my teacher disapproves of leaving gaps between the students.

What I could really use right now is a way to rid myself of him, or more importantly, bad breath in general. I can’t concentrate on my work when the threat of being hit with the smell is always at large.

Tips, anyone?

How to be a Vampire

Ever wanted to be a Cullen? Ever felt the urge to suck someone’s blood? Well, now you can! Just follow these simple steps, and you’ll be on the fast track to vampire-ism!

1. Gather all the Twilight books you can, and read them over and over. Becoming a professional at the series is mandatory for a vampire’s success in life. It doesn’t matter if you want to be vegetarian or not, because this helps you out with both.

2. Start working out in the gym, so that you can build up the muscle needed to become a vampire. When you can lift cars, you know you’re doing it right. Remember, Twinkies are NOT a good idea to get yourself in the vampire area of life, so I suggest you avoid these whenever possible. Stick with meat.

3. Pour glitter all over yourself. You have to sparkle just like a vampire, otherwise you aren’t a true one. Glitter will help you sparkle in the sunlight. Remember, shimmer powder or cream is no alternative to a nice pack of silver body glitter!

4. Try to stay indoors as much as possible, for you must remain pale in order to pass off as a true vampire. Tan vampires are nonexistent, and staying away from the sun is an easy solution to get that haunted appearance.

5. Get colored contacts—whether they’re red or gold, you decide. It depends on what kind of vampire you wish to become, so choose accordingly. Don’t have vision bad enough for contacts? Stare at the computer screen for hours on end, and you’ll be fine.

6. Buy some really nice breath mints, because as you know, vampires’ breath smells heavenly. There is no such thing as “morning breath”, and you can’t forget to brush your teeth. If your breath smells horrible, who’s going to take you as a serious vampire?

7. Get some major plastic surgery, because vampires are unbelievably beautiful. Normal humans are not as attractive, and a surgery will definitely be in order to achieve vampire-status. Don’t worry, it’ll pay off in the end.

I hope I helped you, and you are now on your way to becoming a full-fledged vampire. Whether you’re vegetarian or a human blood-sucker, this list is essential to your success in the vampire world.